Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
