Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
