guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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