I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
