Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
