my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
