its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
