We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
