dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
