Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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