my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
