People in love make me want to vomit
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
