Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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