I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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