My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
