You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
