Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
