yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
