i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
