dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
4 words: hood of his car
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
