You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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