he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
