Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
