Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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