1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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