I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
