man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
