girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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