Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
