fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
