OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
