All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
