Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You're like the curious george of whores
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
