True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
