you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
