Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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