I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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