I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think my vagina is haunted
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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