We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
