My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Randomize
