I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
