dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
