I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
