4 words: hood of his car
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
