I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
jump out the window naked night went bad
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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