he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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