Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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