During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
