she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
