turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
