you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
