so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
