is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You're like the curious george of whores
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
